Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Lesson in manners whilst moving house

Clearly I don't understand sophisticated company (!):

Recently, while helping someone move house, I had to ask the new owner if I could use her toilet. The new owners had arrived early ...

"You mean the Baaathroom!" she tittered.

I was puzzled, as you can probably tell. Never mind, when in Rome, do as the Romans do ...

"Certainly madam," said I. "I prefer to use the lavatory, but if it pleases you, I'll pee in the bath ... beg pardon ... the baaaath."

It was interesting to see the variety of possible responses chasing each other across her face, ranging from righteous indignation to girly giggles - clearly she still isn't sure who she is.

Anyway, after my compatriot had recovered from the stomach cramps, and visited the toilet - presumably to take a shower ... sorry .. baaaath, we finished loading the van and left.

Now I've given the episode more thought, I reckon madam was right.

Despite her girly giggles she's clearly as old I am, and one of the inevitable consequences of age is poorer eyesight. So in future I'll convert to her way of thinking and use the bathroom ... sorry, baaaathroom . Imagine: 3 a.m. after a visit to the pub; aging male prostate issues, etc -... It would be hard to miss, wouldn't it?

 labels:  fiction, funny, satire, snobbery


  1. lavatory humour, sorry ... lava Tory humour.

    very droll :)

  2. Basil Q. Toilet1 June 2017 at 23:56

    When in mixed company it should be referred to as the water closet. Say it in hushed tones while winking the left eye.

  3. Why U Queue 4 Toilet Basil? Talking of Basil, I've heard (or possibly herd) that many peeople pee on their herb garden. Do U recommmmmend this?

  4. Lord Douchebag2 June 2017 at 17:58

    Those of us with noble birth do not excrete..nor do we help others. Quite.

  5. #Trump lackey - thou art excreting from thy mouth. Business as usual what? Quite.


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